So basically my boyfriend and I had been planning on buying my mom a new vacuum for Christmas to satisfy her vacuuming needs to their fullest extent...
About Me
- Demi
- I am a small town girl with a quirky personality. I enjoy life and live to its fullest. Life is not average with a homosexual cat, hippie parents, 3 jobs, lots of old people, and a house out in the middle of nowhere. Actually, we live next door to a stripper and a peacock. I also share my backyard with 5 million of the scurvy neighborhood cats.
Showing posts with label The Not So Average World. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Not So Average World. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, December 5, 2011
The Manflu
The Manflu is one of the world's most over dramatic sicknesses. It can only be caught via man to man and possesses great laziness symptoms. It will obviously be worse than any sickness their wife, girlfriend, daughter, aunt, grandma, friend, or cousin of the female species could contract. (Just because they say so)
"I'm obviously in more pain than you"
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Back To Blogging About My Shitty Life
Let me tell you all about my crappy life right now...
It all started when I bought a dog. He is an Italian Greyhound and his name was Baccie. (I changed it to Riley because what the fuck is a Bacci?) Anyways, I brought him home Friday night and snuggled up close to me and slept in the bed. The next morning I woke up and took him out to the living room with me. Being a cute puppy, he was begging for me to pick him up and put him onto the couch...so I did.
Then what happens? He got excited and started tugging on my bathrobe. I played back and he started getting super hyper and excited. He took a wrong step on a loose cushion, lost his balance, fell off the couch. and broke his leg!!! I heard it snap and him yelp and my heart sunk. I broke down into tears.
I quickly got dressed one handed with him in the other and rushed to the vet. The local vet treated me rudely and didn't give a damn about my situation it seemed. She told me it was going to cost up to $2500 to get him properly treated. Of course they didn't have the equipment because they're fucking dickhead dope-wads who manage fleas and vaccinations and shit.
I got a second opinion blah blah blah. Same thing as the first vet. So anyways, I ended up taking him to Kansas State Veterinary Teaching School for surgery. They put in a titanium plate and I had to leave him there for two days!
It all started when I bought a dog. He is an Italian Greyhound and his name was Baccie. (I changed it to Riley because what the fuck is a Bacci?) Anyways, I brought him home Friday night and snuggled up close to me and slept in the bed. The next morning I woke up and took him out to the living room with me. Being a cute puppy, he was begging for me to pick him up and put him onto the couch...so I did.
Then what happens? He got excited and started tugging on my bathrobe. I played back and he started getting super hyper and excited. He took a wrong step on a loose cushion, lost his balance, fell off the couch. and broke his leg!!! I heard it snap and him yelp and my heart sunk. I broke down into tears.
I quickly got dressed one handed with him in the other and rushed to the vet. The local vet treated me rudely and didn't give a damn about my situation it seemed. She told me it was going to cost up to $2500 to get him properly treated. Of course they didn't have the equipment because they're fucking dickhead dope-wads who manage fleas and vaccinations and shit.
I got a second opinion blah blah blah. Same thing as the first vet. So anyways, I ended up taking him to Kansas State Veterinary Teaching School for surgery. They put in a titanium plate and I had to leave him there for two days!
Poor Little Guy :[
Monday, November 14, 2011
Burger King Ketchup Bimbos
Ok so last night the boyfriend and I decided to go to Burger King since there were currently no groceries in the house. Plus, we were getting tired of eating at the same old restaurants every day. Of course, to get even a small sign of civilization you need to drive at least half an hour away.
30 Minutes later we arrive at Burger King and are greeted by the usual slumpy college worker trying to earn a buck. He takes our order and we go sit down to wait for our number to be called. Ten minutes later we hear, "hey did you ..uh....ever make those two double stackers?" "No."
After waiting another fuckin 10 minutes (yes I'm grouchy because this is FAST FOOD) we finally get our burgers. Everyone knows that burgers and fries require ketchup. I walk up to the dispenser and, not surprised, find it very empty.
So, I yelled to Mr. No Life college boy, "you guys are out of ketchup!" What does he do!?! He tosses 3 packets at me and informs me that this is all they have left. Pfft. Whatever. Like you seriously only have THREE packets of ketchup. I promise you there is an entire box of ketchup in your storage room and you are just way to lazy and pimple faced to care about my needs.I decided to keep my cool and enjoy my "dinner".
Just as I sit down, 2 teenage blonde bimbos come walking in. Not even cute might I add. They order food. Get it twice as fast and then guess what? Ask for ketchup...and they get it. SAY WHAT!? Fuck Burger King and their lazy college workers. WTF!? They get a whole fuckin dispenser and I got THREE packets!? Fuckin blonde ass ketchup nabbin bimbos...
P.S the best part of this whole story is that during the whole ordeal there is table of 5 guys palying pokemon in the back of the restaurant. Neat champs.
30 Minutes later we arrive at Burger King and are greeted by the usual slumpy college worker trying to earn a buck. He takes our order and we go sit down to wait for our number to be called. Ten minutes later we hear, "hey did you ..uh....ever make those two double stackers?" "No."
After waiting another fuckin 10 minutes (yes I'm grouchy because this is FAST FOOD) we finally get our burgers. Everyone knows that burgers and fries require ketchup. I walk up to the dispenser and, not surprised, find it very empty.
So, I yelled to Mr. No Life college boy, "you guys are out of ketchup!" What does he do!?! He tosses 3 packets at me and informs me that this is all they have left. Pfft. Whatever. Like you seriously only have THREE packets of ketchup. I promise you there is an entire box of ketchup in your storage room and you are just way to lazy and pimple faced to care about my needs.I decided to keep my cool and enjoy my "dinner".
Just as I sit down, 2 teenage blonde bimbos come walking in. Not even cute might I add. They order food. Get it twice as fast and then guess what? Ask for ketchup...and they get it. SAY WHAT!? Fuck Burger King and their lazy college workers. WTF!? They get a whole fuckin dispenser and I got THREE packets!? Fuckin blonde ass ketchup nabbin bimbos...
P.S the best part of this whole story is that during the whole ordeal there is table of 5 guys palying pokemon in the back of the restaurant. Neat champs.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Some Picture Fun
Imagine you're relaxing in your living room after a hard days work. You kick off your shoes and head straight to the lazy boy. It's T.V time and you're in heaven! The kids, wife, and grandma all appear from the kitchen finally to have a good 'ol quality family time. You grab a beer and flip through the channels looking for you Wheel of Fortune. What you find is not what you expect at all! Suddenly, Spicy Hot Mexi Booty 4 is the title of your Wheel of Fortune! WTF!?
This little segement of photos was taken from phone at my parent's house. Apparently, their satellite receiver is going bad and confusing half of their T.V channels as porn. Listed below are some examples.
"Island Women Wet and Nasty" on NBATV
This is clearly the 50 First Dates and not "Chicks Gone Wild"
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Stupid Videos of Kittens
This is one of my most favorite videos. It's called "Fainting Goat Kittens." The kittens have a disease that, when startled, will go stiff and fall over. Hillarious!
Kittens VS The Roomba. Many will try but who will remain at the end of this video? Watch and find out.
Now this is just mean....but awesome none the less! :D
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Parking tickets are overrated
It's only $40 but I'm stingy and live for the thrill of pissing off the parking Nazi. Forty dollars and I could walk out to my car like a normal person instead of sprinting to beat "The Man." It is forty dollars for a student parking permit and I have yet to purchase one. I've spent the last 3 weeks avoiding the security man on campus. I'm sure he knows me well. We've had many encounters but I somehow always manage to escape...
It was a quiet Tuesday morning and a beautiful day might I add. I had decided to feast upon chinese food for lunch with one of my friends. I begin my journey to my car with a lovely stroll under the oak trees and a careful crossing of the street. (Always look both ways!) That's when I spotted him.
He's a big man....and bald. Reminds me a lot of Paul Blart off Mall Cop. An average joe just doing his job and threatening the wallets of poor college students with his damn parking tickets. He cruises the aisles of the parking lot looking for his next victim. He fails to actually pertain any knowledge of the real law. His life is cruising, looking like a badass (he's not), and coffee.
I could see him but he had no idea what was coming. He was writing ticket after ticket after ticket. Glancing at the parking lot gave me an idea of what I was up against. Little white papers, flapping in the wind, were secured under every wiper for two whole rows and I was next.
He was standing RIGHT next to my car. The poor sucker next to me was not as lucky as I. I got inside, buckled up, and debated what I should do. I decided to peel. I put my car in reverse and quickly backed out. He glared at me with his, "I'll get you next time" look. My first escape and it felt good.
It was a quiet Tuesday morning and a beautiful day might I add. I had decided to feast upon chinese food for lunch with one of my friends. I begin my journey to my car with a lovely stroll under the oak trees and a careful crossing of the street. (Always look both ways!) That's when I spotted him.
He's a big man....and bald. Reminds me a lot of Paul Blart off Mall Cop. An average joe just doing his job and threatening the wallets of poor college students with his damn parking tickets. He cruises the aisles of the parking lot looking for his next victim. He fails to actually pertain any knowledge of the real law. His life is cruising, looking like a badass (he's not), and coffee.
I could see him but he had no idea what was coming. He was writing ticket after ticket after ticket. Glancing at the parking lot gave me an idea of what I was up against. Little white papers, flapping in the wind, were secured under every wiper for two whole rows and I was next.
He was standing RIGHT next to my car. The poor sucker next to me was not as lucky as I. I got inside, buckled up, and debated what I should do. I decided to peel. I put my car in reverse and quickly backed out. He glared at me with his, "I'll get you next time" look. My first escape and it felt good.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
An (un)Usual Trip to the Post Office
Everyday I drive to the post office to get the mail for work. Nothing new ever happens to me. In fact, it's the most average thing in my life. (Except the morning I lost the box key due to an attractive Time Warner Cable boy, but we won't talk about that.)
This morning, I was on my way back to work from the post office, minding my own business, and happily getting my morning jam session in. I decided to take a side street to avoid traffic and enjoy my little break more than I should have. Some silver car KIA asshole backed out right in front of me and whipped into the street!
I cussed out loud as you can imagine, slammed on my breaks, and threw my hands up in the air. The car was in a hurry and as it peeled on by I glared. (my road rage has become quite the bad habit lately, but hey, those assholes deserve it!) I absolutely was not expecting what happened next.
This morning, I was on my way back to work from the post office, minding my own business, and happily getting my morning jam session in. I decided to take a side street to avoid traffic and enjoy my little break more than I should have. Some silver car KIA asshole backed out right in front of me and whipped into the street!
I cussed out loud as you can imagine, slammed on my breaks, and threw my hands up in the air. The car was in a hurry and as it peeled on by I glared. (my road rage has become quite the bad habit lately, but hey, those assholes deserve it!) I absolutely was not expecting what happened next.
Monday, August 15, 2011
An Original Richard Invention "The Fan"
A Richard Invention:
Anything that may explode, pop, crack, implode, blow up, and injure him in any way thought possible.
(see also hillbilly contraptions)
This is my Dad's new "fan." It keeps him cool on his back porch. As you can see, it's not really a fan. He just took apart our furnace and made it into one. He's quite proud of it and thought it necessary to show off to me, my boyfriend, and their new neighbor friends. This is acceptable and proper etiquette of Richard, my dad.
When meeting new people, Richard likes to show off all his hobbies and interests. These include guns, laser tag, spider webs, robots, truth or dare dice, and beer. Meet Richard. He lives in The Not So Average World like me.
Anything that may explode, pop, crack, implode, blow up, and injure him in any way thought possible.
(see also hillbilly contraptions)
This is my Dad's new "fan." It keeps him cool on his back porch. As you can see, it's not really a fan. He just took apart our furnace and made it into one. He's quite proud of it and thought it necessary to show off to me, my boyfriend, and their new neighbor friends. This is acceptable and proper etiquette of Richard, my dad.
When meeting new people, Richard likes to show off all his hobbies and interests. These include guns, laser tag, spider webs, robots, truth or dare dice, and beer. Meet Richard. He lives in The Not So Average World like me.
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