The FaceHookers on Your Homepage!

Many of you log into your facebook accounts a number of times in just a single day if you are anything like me. You are led straight to your homepage and as you begin to browse the "usual," you come across those posts that really chap your khakis! You think, "Jesus Christ! Get your shit off my homepage!" FaceHookers can be seen in many different forms and should be immediately removed from your news feed (or de-friended) to prevent further irritation, STDS, loneliness, loss of self esteem, insanity, and many other unrelated side effects.

1. The hacking facehooker

The amount of "hacks" I see in a day is ridiculous and frankly just pisses me off. Hats off to first person who was ever "truly hacked." We all know now that people who are "hacked" are just asking for attention. "Oops! Silly me! I FORGOT to log out and I just so happen to be sitting right next to the person hacking me! Heaven forbid!" Get this garbage off your news feed RIGHT NOW!

2. The photo facehooker

One of the best and most exciting features of facebook, to me, is the ability to upload photos from anywhere and at anytime. The excessive uploading of pictures of yourself (ones especially with the pouty face and peace sign) and friends will leave you in this category. "Oh look! Here I am with my head tilted to the right! Surprise! Now I am looking at the ceiling like I didn't even know this picture was being taken even though I took it myself!"
Quit uploading a million pictures of yourself because lots of people think it's wierd and that you are full of yourself.

***Addition to photo facehookering***
WTF is wrong with people who obviously crop someone out of a picture!? It's like, " even though we had a great time that one time....my face is just sooooo much prettier without yours!" I would like to be explained to how that feels. I mean its not bad if your in a pic and you think, "oh! Hey! I am lookin' good!" and crop yourself. But, when your cheek to cheek with a another guy or girl and you crop them, and can still see some of their face, then you have a problem.....

3. The drama facehooker

You are clogging up every one else's news feed with your annoying life. DO YOU NOT REALIZE THIS!? I don't care if Shanaynay is havin' yo man's baby and you wanna go and beat the tar outta her. I am 100% sure that Maury and Jerry Springer would love to hear you bitch it out. Their shows are for your kind of people. Check it out.

4. The truthing facehooker


Get your "the truth is" shit outta here! Take your confessions someplace else. Every fricken single time I log in.... there it is. "Like for the truth is!" " The truth is Shanaynay, you are wonderful, amazing, loving....blah blah blah blah blah." The truth is I hate you all! Whenever I see your annoying gushy feelings all over the internet I want to comment "facehooker" on your annoying wall posts and truthing comments. You are copying the millions of 13 year old Justin Beiber fan girls. Feel cool and special all right? Yeh. Didn't think so.

That's all my ranting for now. I shall continue this another time.