It's only $40 but I'm stingy and live for the thrill of pissing off the parking Nazi. Forty dollars and I could walk out to my car like a normal person instead of sprinting to beat "The Man." It is forty dollars for a student parking permit and I have yet to purchase one. I've spent the last 3 weeks avoiding the security man on campus. I'm sure he knows me well. We've had many encounters but I somehow always manage to escape...
It was a quiet Tuesday morning and a beautiful day might I add. I had decided to feast upon chinese food for lunch with one of my friends. I begin my journey to my car with a lovely stroll under the oak trees and a careful crossing of the street. (Always look both ways!) That's when I spotted him.
He's a big man....and bald. Reminds me a lot of Paul Blart off Mall Cop. An average joe just doing his job and threatening the wallets of poor college students with his damn parking tickets. He cruises the aisles of the parking lot looking for his next victim. He fails to actually pertain any knowledge of the real law. His life is cruising, looking like a badass (he's not), and coffee.
I could see him but he had no idea what was coming. He was writing ticket after ticket after ticket. Glancing at the parking lot gave me an idea of what I was up against. Little white papers, flapping in the wind, were secured under every wiper for two whole rows and I was next.
He was standing RIGHT next to my car. The poor sucker next to me was not as lucky as I. I got inside, buckled up, and debated what I should do. I decided to peel. I put my car in reverse and quickly backed out. He glared at me with his, "I'll get you next time" look. My first escape and it felt good.
About Me
- Demi
- I am a small town girl with a quirky personality. I enjoy life and live to its fullest. Life is not average with a homosexual cat, hippie parents, 3 jobs, lots of old people, and a house out in the middle of nowhere. Actually, we live next door to a stripper and a peacock. I also share my backyard with 5 million of the scurvy neighborhood cats.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
An (un)Usual Trip to the Post Office
Everyday I drive to the post office to get the mail for work. Nothing new ever happens to me. In fact, it's the most average thing in my life. (Except the morning I lost the box key due to an attractive Time Warner Cable boy, but we won't talk about that.)
This morning, I was on my way back to work from the post office, minding my own business, and happily getting my morning jam session in. I decided to take a side street to avoid traffic and enjoy my little break more than I should have. Some silver car KIA asshole backed out right in front of me and whipped into the street!
I cussed out loud as you can imagine, slammed on my breaks, and threw my hands up in the air. The car was in a hurry and as it peeled on by I glared. (my road rage has become quite the bad habit lately, but hey, those assholes deserve it!) I absolutely was not expecting what happened next.
This morning, I was on my way back to work from the post office, minding my own business, and happily getting my morning jam session in. I decided to take a side street to avoid traffic and enjoy my little break more than I should have. Some silver car KIA asshole backed out right in front of me and whipped into the street!
I cussed out loud as you can imagine, slammed on my breaks, and threw my hands up in the air. The car was in a hurry and as it peeled on by I glared. (my road rage has become quite the bad habit lately, but hey, those assholes deserve it!) I absolutely was not expecting what happened next.
Monday, August 15, 2011
An Original Richard Invention "The Fan"
A Richard Invention:
Anything that may explode, pop, crack, implode, blow up, and injure him in any way thought possible.
(see also hillbilly contraptions)
This is my Dad's new "fan." It keeps him cool on his back porch. As you can see, it's not really a fan. He just took apart our furnace and made it into one. He's quite proud of it and thought it necessary to show off to me, my boyfriend, and their new neighbor friends. This is acceptable and proper etiquette of Richard, my dad.
When meeting new people, Richard likes to show off all his hobbies and interests. These include guns, laser tag, spider webs, robots, truth or dare dice, and beer. Meet Richard. He lives in The Not So Average World like me.
Anything that may explode, pop, crack, implode, blow up, and injure him in any way thought possible.
(see also hillbilly contraptions)
This is my Dad's new "fan." It keeps him cool on his back porch. As you can see, it's not really a fan. He just took apart our furnace and made it into one. He's quite proud of it and thought it necessary to show off to me, my boyfriend, and their new neighbor friends. This is acceptable and proper etiquette of Richard, my dad.
When meeting new people, Richard likes to show off all his hobbies and interests. These include guns, laser tag, spider webs, robots, truth or dare dice, and beer. Meet Richard. He lives in The Not So Average World like me.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Things My Dad Posts on Facebook 02
I drank my nightol (Coors LITE) and slept like a baby, didn't even hear a storm, except this AM when I looked out the window...
I sort of remember putting leaves in spider webs and watching them cut them out of the web in the front yard. What people of almost sixty do for entertainment....
My Comments:
Haha yeah...I was there Dad. Remember? Oh wait, probably not! Anyways, yes you did tease the front porch spiders. You caught bugs and threw them in their webs. That was nice. But, then you started harassing them by tossing twigs and leaves in their delicate little webs. Don't be surprised if they want to come inside and bite you now.
I sort of remember putting leaves in spider webs and watching them cut them out of the web in the front yard. What people of almost sixty do for entertainment....
My Comments:
Haha yeah...I was there Dad. Remember? Oh wait, probably not! Anyways, yes you did tease the front porch spiders. You caught bugs and threw them in their webs. That was nice. But, then you started harassing them by tossing twigs and leaves in their delicate little webs. Don't be surprised if they want to come inside and bite you now.
The Torrential Downpour
Ok so apparently hurricanes DO exist in Nebraska and if not... someone needs to explain what the hell whipped through our town last night!
Seriously, it's 2:45 AM and I wake up to 80 MPH of wind, sheet rain, hail, thunder, and lightning. Being the curious person I am, I crawled out of bed and lazily strolled to the front window. I casually peered out hoping to catch some excitement for once in the dull town. Instead....I see that my lawn chair has blown into the middle of the highway!
Seriously, it's 2:45 AM and I wake up to 80 MPH of wind, sheet rain, hail, thunder, and lightning. Being the curious person I am, I crawled out of bed and lazily strolled to the front window. I casually peered out hoping to catch some excitement for once in the dull town. Instead....I see that my lawn chair has blown into the middle of the highway!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
My Top Internet Treasures (you're gonna love these)
Listed in no particular order. The fun is equal all around! Go ahead....give 'em a try ;]
1. http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page
2. http://omegle.com/
3. http://www.simonpanrucker.com/beans.html
4. http://cleverbot.com/
5. http://www.wtfshouldidotoday.com/
6. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y
7. http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=9644
1. http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page
2. http://omegle.com/
3. http://www.simonpanrucker.com/beans.html
4. http://cleverbot.com/
5. http://www.wtfshouldidotoday.com/
6. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y
7. http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=9644
Monday, August 8, 2011
Reasons I Hate My Boss
1. The way he talks
My boss babbles on and on forever like a bumbling idiot. "Where should I put this file?"
Uh.....uh uh ......uh..... do ya....oh....well...yeah....uhm....yeh ok yeh well we ...uh ....ok... right there."
Inside my head I am screaming, "SPIT IT OUT! Just shut up and tell me where to put the damn file! Jesus Christ! Oh my god he never shuts up!"
2. "Not my information!"
I absolutely cannot do anything in my own office. (Or should I say picnic table in a crowded unused room.) Any time I try to make a change I get the, "and don't be giving out my information!" speech. "You want my e-mail address? Now don't you be giving out my information!" WTF!? How the hell do you run an office without phone numbers and e-mail addresses!?
3. I swear he has off task censors
Every single time I get off task he randomly pops in on me. It's like he can sense when I'm not being productive or using the "government's eyes." (Also known as the internet.) The interent is the root of all evil to him. It's where viruses, the government, and everyone is watching and waiting for us to slip up. One day I was looking up cell phone prices for him when his phone started ringing. It was a telemarketing call from Walmart. Of course, he blamed me for using the "governments eyes" and stated that they know what we were looking at and got our information! GASP! (I wasn't even on the Walmart website.)
4. I can never get a direct answer
"So should I put this in the truck 9 or trailer 9 file?"
"Well back in January when I bought truck 9 it had 600000 miles on it!"
"OK. Great. But, where do I put this paperwork?"
"Well....uh....uh you see....I..... separate things into 2 categories and I usually just go from there!"
Damnit! I wasn't asking you about your "don't make no sense" categorizing habits! I just wanna know where the the freaking files go! This guy seriously take 10 minutes to tell me something that usually take a second.
"Oh yeh put in the blue file."
(blank stare and expasperated look from me)
My boss babbles on and on forever like a bumbling idiot. "Where should I put this file?"
Uh.....uh uh ......uh..... do ya....oh....well...yeah....uhm....yeh ok yeh well we ...uh ....ok... right there."
Inside my head I am screaming, "SPIT IT OUT! Just shut up and tell me where to put the damn file! Jesus Christ! Oh my god he never shuts up!"
2. "Not my information!"
I absolutely cannot do anything in my own office. (Or should I say picnic table in a crowded unused room.) Any time I try to make a change I get the, "and don't be giving out my information!" speech. "You want my e-mail address? Now don't you be giving out my information!" WTF!? How the hell do you run an office without phone numbers and e-mail addresses!?
3. I swear he has off task censors
Every single time I get off task he randomly pops in on me. It's like he can sense when I'm not being productive or using the "government's eyes." (Also known as the internet.) The interent is the root of all evil to him. It's where viruses, the government, and everyone is watching and waiting for us to slip up. One day I was looking up cell phone prices for him when his phone started ringing. It was a telemarketing call from Walmart. Of course, he blamed me for using the "governments eyes" and stated that they know what we were looking at and got our information! GASP! (I wasn't even on the Walmart website.)
4. I can never get a direct answer
"So should I put this in the truck 9 or trailer 9 file?"
"Well back in January when I bought truck 9 it had 600000 miles on it!"
"OK. Great. But, where do I put this paperwork?"
"Well....uh....uh you see....I..... separate things into 2 categories and I usually just go from there!"
Damnit! I wasn't asking you about your "don't make no sense" categorizing habits! I just wanna know where the the freaking files go! This guy seriously take 10 minutes to tell me something that usually take a second.
"Oh yeh put in the blue file."
(blank stare and expasperated look from me)
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